I hurt so much sometimes.
without revealing details, my weekend was really screwed up. My week has been really screwed up. I keep hoping for a new beginning and I keep tripping up. There are times when I Lie and say I'm open when I'm not. There are times when I'm truly open. Either way, it seems that I get hurt. I get hurt when I expect to get hurt, and I get wounded when I'm open and vulnerable.
What's the point?
Is life this dramatic and painful or is it just me? I'm not talking about cancer or losing a loved one, I'm talking about the day to day struggle. The daily grind. The push to stay connected to your partner.
It galls me to say it, or to even think it, but I guess I might be doing something wrong.
The problem is that I really am hurting - this isn't an act. And I don't know how to justify continuing to give the 80th second chance without putting up a fight first. I don't know how to give in without shooting some particularly barbed words at him to make sure his resolve is strong. Is it in those words that I break him and guarantee myself another disappointment?
Why isn't he strong enough to wade through my "weather and noise" and come and get me in here? I'm alone. Why is it that I feel as though that was the hundredth time I've asked that question... and the only thing that's getting stronger is the hollow echo?
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- Megan
- She can type 90+ wpm and thoroughly enjoys sarcasm. She's married, has three cats, a fixer-upper house, and a somewhat serious addiction to all things crafty.
2 comments:
I can imagine how terrible it is to feel so hurt. What is sometimes very clear to you, is not always to others. There will come a time for clarity. But before the outside things can be fixed. You have to fix the inside things, and that is something only you can do. Find the power within yourself.
I hope you are feeling better.... Sometimes we cannot fix things ourselves...sometimes we need help. Ironically, it takes courage and strength to ask, but it can make a world of difference!
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