Faced with the prospects of motherhood, whenever I hear a story about a difficult situation in parenting my mind leaps to how I would handle it - and perhaps even more importantly, How will this Child-of-Mine act? What will their personality be?
I am of the firm belief that children need boundaries and rules. A lack of structure contributes to a sense of chaos and only spurs a child to act out in worse and worse ways. I feel confident in my ability to decide upon rules and not merely crumble at the hint of resistance. I am stubborn.
But there are situations that, upon contemplation, chill me to the core.
In the scheme of things, they're fairly silly. I'm not talking about a nightmare in which your child becomes a drug addict. I'm talking about teaching healthy eating for example.
I don't cook currently. Greg does the cooking. And Greg cooks whatever I feel like eating - this was going on long before the pregnancy. They are not always balanced meals. They are not always healthy. They do not always contain a vegetable.
I eagerly soak in accounts of parents who have such an iron clad grasp of the rules in their household that even if there is grumbling about finishing that spinach, the children know there is no real other option. You must finish the spinach - no amount of tantrums or whining will change that fact.
I remember sitting at the dinner table as a child and picking at my food, completely disgusted by liver or pork chops. From my vantage point now I know that I'm not a big meat-eater. Protein by way of meat just doesn't appeal as often as beans or chick peas, etc. But I'm still not counting my daily servings and I probably often come up short on the protein meter.
I watch my brother-in-law and his wife corral their three boys, all under 5, and strap on their armor for battle during dinner. Even foods you'd think would be delicious to a 5 year old, like pizza, there is cajoling to eat 3 more bites to the tune of "I want to get down", "Noooooo", and that one where their face screws up and their lips draw back and and they make a higher pitched "ehhhhh" sound. The parents don't give in, and they do a spectacular job of staying calm. And they remove children in the throes of a crying tantrum to a quiet space where they can calm down, and then return them promptly to the dinner table to finish what they started.
My soul cringes at these near certain future battles.
Then again, I also feel elation at other prospects. It isn't all bad.
The idea of reading to my child at night and watching their head spin as they discover Middle Earth, Hogwarts, Tortall, and Narnia makes my heart soar. I can't wait till they meet Brian of Hatchet, Old Dan and Little Ann of Where the Red Fern Grows, The Boxcar Children, and Meg and Charles of A Wrinkle in Time. It makes me giddy. That part will be so much fun. So many doors to open, so many worlds to share.
My husband, however, is focused on much more basic items at the moment. "If we can choose whether our child is an Innie or an Outie," he said to me last night, "We're going to choose Innie."
What are your toughest battles? Has anything been easier than you thought?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Food can be a battle. But it isn't one that I take up often. What I did instead was implement the "Thank you" bite. You have to try a bite of whatever I cooked because hello....I cooked for you! You owe me one "Thank You" bite!
Picking up toy has turned out to be a bigger battle than I thought it would. Sometimes it exhausts me.
But the spontaneously hugs and I love yous make up for the frustrations.
Those food battles are not too bad. Tantrums come slowly too, so you can build up your resistance to them.
I agree that picking up toys is tiring and frustrating. My husband will come home from work and wonder what I did all day. I feel bad telling him that it takes all of my energy just to MAINTAIN a level of messiness.
Have you had the Santa discussion yet? I have found that any plans I had for parenting before the kids were born flew out the window once the kids were freed from the womb. Also, don't tell anyone who has kids how you will parent your children when they are born. Not only will they laugh in your face, but they will bring that up until one of you dies.
Food is a huge battle here. My youngest has autism, which leads to a lot of textural issues and issues with not eating anything he doesn't recognize. My oldest wasn't picky until he turned two, then he became the pickiest kid ever. I've learned that he genuinely doesn't like the taste of some foods and to stop pushing those on him, but for everything else all you can really do is serve it, maybe make them take a bite and hope they eat it. There's really no other option unless you're Joan Crawford.
I try to remember that sometimes when you're raising children you just have to go on faith and be willing to wait months or years to see the results. But I believe that just making the effort to parent how you feel is best is half the battle.
Post a Comment