So I'm 13 weeks along, today. I'm heading to the doctor this evening to be checked out again to make sure the coughing is on its way out and to check out the baby. I'm not optimistic about the coughing, but we'll see.
Greg and I will be finding out the sex of the baby as soon as possible - but only through an ultrasound, probably at about 20 weeks along. We definitely want to know the gender.
The first time I explained out loud why we want to know the gender, I did so to a co-worker and I did so in a completely bumbling idiotic way. I told her that it was just practical because then if we or others want to buy gender specific items for the baby - we'll know the gender! It made complete sense as it was falling out of my mouth, and then my very down to earth co-worker popped my balloon of nonsense by following up with, "Oh thanks, that's very kind of you. Otherwise, what ever would we do?"
I felt like such a jackass.
The truth is that I think I want a girl. In fact we timed conception so that we could aim for a girl. It seems like my husband's family is predisposed towards boys - my mother-in-law had two boys, my brother-in-law has three. Rather than having a 50-50 shot it feels more like 80-20.
The TRUTH is that I'm more comfortable with the idea of having a girl. I'm a girl. I have girl friends. For an entire summer when I was 15 I served as a 9-5 mother's helper to a woman with 5 daughters all under 5 years old. For every boy-specific crafty idea that occurs to me, there are 20 more for a girl. As evidenced by my nephews, boys like cars and trucks and trains and I have very little interest in those areas currently.
The TRUTH is that I will be thrilled with whatever baby I'm growing. I will love them and cherish them and play "This little Piggy" with their toes. While I have trouble seeing past the negatives on the horizon (sleepless nights, ears full of baby spit up, leaky aching boobs, a kaleidoscopic avalanche of different poopy diapers), I have very little doubt that I will, at some point, fall head over heels madly in love with my child. Whether that happens while they're still in Utero, when they're handed to me in the hospital, or slowly as we start to get to know each other, I'm not too worried.
The TRUTH is that I will probably need some time to adjust my thinking from frilly tutus to tonka trucks and that my adjustment process, if it's a boy, will be all the more successful if we find out the sex early.
What I'm not sure about is whether this is a shared experience between expectant mothers. My brain tells me that this is normal. That of COURSE lots and LOTS of people have baby gender preferences from the get-go and that about 50% of the time those preferences are honored and the other 50% adjust. My heart, on the other hand, feels lonely and guilty for having a preference in the first place - especially when I have zero experience. I really should just be grateful. Having any further desire beyond a healthy pregnancy means I'm greedy and just asking for trouble.
So, Am I Alone?
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7 comments:
Not alone at all. I'm due August 8th with Baby #3. We have two sons already and I want another. I don't know if it's because I can't imagine having a girl after living for 10 years in a house full of boys or what, but there you have it.
I also feel like I need to pull for a boy because EVERYONE is full of comments like, "Oh, trying for a girl I see!" or "This one BETTER be a girl" If it is a baby boy, someone needs to be on his side, lol.
Well, I'm not pregnant so maybe this doesn't mean much, but I've always thought what you described is exactly the way it would be for us. Find out early because I'd like a girl ideally (I'm the oldest of four and a girl you see, so I could relate), but with enough time left that if it was a boy then there would be time still to be really really grateful and not curse anything :).
So I think you're totally normal, even down to the part where you don't want to attract bad karma. Does Greg have a preference? If it is a boy you'll have the joy of seeing your two boys bond!
It's understandable and you're definitely not alone. And you will adjust--once it's born you won't care which sex it is, just that it's healthy and happy.
We wanted a boy first, then a girl. We got 50% of our wish--two boys. My personal opinion is that boys are harder when they're younger (that ability to pee anywhere and on anything leads to some messy situations) but girls are harder when they're older. I'm not at all upset I'm not going to have to deal with a teenage girl.
Do you have a feeling about which sex you're having? I knew from 8-9 weeks on that both my kids were boys. I feel bad for my youngest, because we also timed conception for a girl and I was so convinced he was a girl that from the moment I found out I was pregnant I addressed my belly by the girl name we had picked out. That conviction faded by seven weeks, and by nine I was no longer using the girl name.
Totally normal! With my first, I wanted a boy (it was a girl). I just couldn't imagine a daughter and really hoped for a son. Once she arrived, I understood that we got just exactly who we were supposed to get.
With baby #2, I was hoping for another girl - they're so much fun. When we found out it was a boy, I was a little sad, a little happy, and a little relieved that I don't have to be the one to choose the genders.
Your family will be exactly perfect no matter the gender and you won't be able to imagine it any other way. Kids are funny like that.
Congratulations and good luck in the upcoming months!
I hope you are feeling better! What an ordeal!
The next time someone asks why you want to find out the sex of the baby before it's born, just remind them that it's still a surprise whether you find out of the delivery table or on the ultrasound table.
I was SO SO SO sure I was having a girl. The ultrasound tech told me it was a boy. I couldn't stop smiling the whole way home. I think that once you do finally find out, you will realize that it didn't matter either way, you are still happy to start your family.
I'm playing devil's advocate here, boys are cheaper because you don't have to buy them all of those gosh darn too cute dresses and tights and hair barrettes and little Mary Jane shoes. (which I pass by every day and thank God everyday because I would put myself in the poor house with all of the cupcake outfits they have out now!)
I'll ditto everyone and say that you are not alone. In fact, when I gave birth to my girl, and they told me it was a girl (we didn't know ahead of time), I told them to check again.
The reality is that the emotion you feel when the baby is born far exceeds any emotion you are feeling right now - in a really good way! I look forward to following your journey!
Kel
Sooooo glad you are on the road to recovery! The mom's always get the worst of it, so baby can thrive.
I was very preferential to boys, in fact didn't really even want a girl for fear of the teen years!
I choose to find out early with my first child (A Boy) so I could plan accordingly, just like you said. Who wants to buy generic things when you can buy the cute boyish or super cute girly stuff.
I decided to find out for my second child, again for planning to know how much stuff I'd be able to re-use. To my great dismay it was a girl. I still joke, "what did I do to deserve this?" and she's only 4! Yet, I love her so much for the child she is and the differences from my son. Everyone will have a different story for girls vs. boys. You'll love them no matter what and you'll learn to take care of them just the same.
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