FAIL

So last night, I was well and truly heartbroken.





Some of you may recall the first kitten that Greg and I saved from the freezing cold outside. She was living in a rusted pipe at the side of our house. She cried at night, and when we finally got her indoors, her little toes were bleeding and raw. We were gentle with her, we gave her a bath and clipped her nails. We held her and talked to her. She was definitely fearful and timid, but was small and sweet - she never tried to hurt us.



It made me incredibly anxious to consider finding a home for her - but find a home we did, and almost immediately too. Greg's coworker was thinking of getting a kitten - what better opportunity would there be?

He showed up with a plastic box to collect her and we gave him our blessing. He agreed to take her to the Vet and, when the time came, to have her spayed.

Except he didn't have her spayed.

Whenever Greg inquired, he claimed he was going to and he had an appointment. This went on for months.

And then one day, Greg came home and told me a story. His coworker had decided it would be a good idea to train this previously feral cat to not go outdoors by leaving his apartment window open during a rainstorm - because obviously she wouldn't go outside during a rainstorm - and then he left the room. He even had the temerity to act surprised when he found she'd gone.

Suffice to say that I was pissed, and suprised - how could anyone be so naive or stupid?

The antics to get her back were equally idiotic - he left food at the window to entice her back. But he left the window closed.

When questioned why he left the window closed, he said he didn't want to leave it open while he was gone.

Yea.

Well, suffice to say she came back, seemingly no worse for the wear, and that was that. I thought.

Yesterday, Greg and I ventured out to pick up the "Collector's Edition" of Coraline (awesome!), and I was in fairly high spirits. I even snuck in a reason to stop at petco and admire the kittens. While we were watching their antics - Greg says, "So Ralph showed me photos."

"huh?" The kittens were attacking each others tails in one big furry adorable fight.

"He showed me pictures of Moggie's kittens."

I stopped and looked at him.

That was the beginning of a meltdown on my part.

Greg had known for weeks and hadn't told me - which damaged our trust. He knew I'd be upset. What I think he didn't know was that I blame myself.

You know, I was trying to do something good. Taking the kitten out of the pipe, cleaning her up, putting her in a home. Preventing an increase in the stray population.

9.6 million animals are put to sleep every year in the U.S.

64% of all animals that go to shelters are euthanized.

71% of those are cats.

I thought I was helping to do my part. I adopted three. I took two off the street and found them homes. Homes with people who promised to spay and neuter.

And my trust was violated.

I didn't help. I hurt.

I contributed to 6 more kittens in this overcrowed world.

You may think I'm being ridiculous - there are a lot of serious issues out there. This just happens to be one that really strikes my inner core. This one really stirs me.

I cried for most of last night. My eyelids are still puffy and I still have a headache more than 12 hours later. Even if he finds homes for these 6 new kittens, they will take the place of what could have been homes for 6 cats or kittens who were already in need BEFORE he decided to let Moggie out on whim.

I'm furious, and I let him know it in a particularly scathing email.

I'm also in the hole. I've adopted three... saved 2 from the street... and added 6 to the world in my stupidity.

I'm really having a rough time with this. I feel like an utter failure.