What's YOUR super power?

So.

Hard times, these are.

I don't mean to get all yoda on you, I'm just reflecting. This morning, my husband woke me up by saying "I'm grumpy. I just went through the budget."

I had been sleepy and comfortable and happy and all of a sudden my stomach turned into a cold stone.

Maybe that's my super power. My stomach MAGICALLY morphs into granite when someone mentions "THE BUDGET".

He didn't mean to freak me out. It's just that I'd woken him up 10 minutes earlier than he normally gets up and told him that maybe we could have an extra 10 minutes of cuddling if he got back earlier from taking the dog for a walk. However, he didn't listen to me. What he heard was "If you get up now - 10 minutes early - you better damn well have a gourmet breakfast, lunch and dinner prepared, and the house better be spotless." So he stressed himself all out trying to get stuff done, and when the dog walk took a little while extra because of rainy-ness, he pulled out cans of soup for lunch and apparently emotionally crashed because he was sure I would be disappointed, and to add to it he'd finally looked at our fancy schmancy Y.N.A.B. budget software and found out that gee- we might be a little over-strained this month.

Stuff that makes him grumpy and distant and freaked out? Being hungry and making me upset.

Stuff that makes me grumpy and distant and freaked out? Almost everything. Especially budget problems.

Here's the bad news, we spent a lot of money on the dog this month - gates, crate, food, leash, collar, food bowls, grooming, vet, flea medication, heartworm medication, etc.

Here's some good news: Neither of us have been splurging. Remarkably - and this really is remarkable - the only DVD we've purchased this month has been one season of Dexter. And (you're never going to believe this), I haven't spent ANY money on crafts since the middle of February. Zero. Zip.

We HAVE been eating "in" a lot lately - because of the dog, we've scrambled to have it all together and most of the time it's just been easier to get subway (Not bad), or pizza (worse) and we even got Cheese cake factory take out once (bad).

More bad news, taxes are coming up and we probably owe money. Additionally, Greg didn't really think about it, and went ahead with our much-higher-than-necessary payment on his Student Loans that we're trying to get rid of and we really could have used that money for normal bills this month.

More bad news, there's stuff we want and stuff we want to do- Tangible stuff, and even some stuff that makes sense. The dog's one indiscretion so far has been to chew the elastic off my fuzzy pink slippers. This means I need new slippers... and even though I'd love a pair of "moon boots" as my in-laws call them, I'll probably put it off for as long as possible. Yesterday when I went home, there were 3 inches of water in the backyard by the basement door - does this mean we need a plumber? While getting the dog has post-poned some of our remodeling plans, we had wanted to finish our hallway area by Easter - that will cost us some paint (and other things. It always costs more.). Rent is coming to Pittsburgh starring 2 original cast members, and we already bought tickets for that - talk about feeling guilty. I'm in a wedding coming up and I need to get my dress altered and we're starting to plan the shower. We've been invited to 2 other weddings this summer. Our deck is naked - there's nothing to sit on out there except the floor... which I did sit on yesterday to soak up the last half hour of full-on sun after I got home from work...... AND in the process of laying there got a crick in my neck.

MORE bad news: I don't know what got into him, but last week Greg dug deep and figured out - before I did - that I've been feeling really bad about myself lately. One of the things I used to (in college) spend alot of money on was clothes. I don't do that anymore. I rarely if ever buy clothing, and I'm a larger size now, so I basically was down to one pair of pants that I felt comfortable in at work. The people around me dress at varying levels but because of the division my office is part of, I always feel pressure to look nicer while simultaneously feeling depressed that I just can't because I don't have the clothes. Each morning I end up picking the same pair of pants off the floor and throwing them on with another empire waisted top. I can't remember the last time I wore a pair of heels to work. I remember a time of painting my nails, curling my hair and wearing heels and skirts and now...?

I guess my self-image and self-worth has degraded.

When he brought it up, I inexplicably started crying. Yea, I'm a real waterworks these days - NO, I'm not pregnant.

He insisted on taking me out IMMEDIATELY to buy at least 3 new pairs of pants, some skirts that fit, and some new shirts. He also insisted on getting a few new nightgowns and he wanted to get me some nice matching sets of underwear. I used to have a lot of matching sets of underwear, but I can't remember the last time I bought one. I've been clinging with the tenacity of an emotionally needy octopus to a few choice sets... unfortunately they've been mistakenly washed and dryed so the bras are all lumpy and even the underwear was fraying. And by "clinging", I literally mean clinging - there's no "wearing". Those sets don't fit. They've just been taking up drawer space.

Suffice to say we bought 2 new pairs of paints, 2 skirts, 2 dresses, 3 button down sweaters and 4 shirts - no underwear. Does no one sell matching underwear sets? - I mean besides victoria's secret because seriously, I am having a really hard time with the notion of spending $42 on something for my boobs.

In the giving spirit (and without looking at the above mentioned budget), yesterday morning Greg declared that he wanted to do something special for me this weekend - like send me to a Spa. Of course I was flattered, and he was headed out the door, so I had little chance to respond. But I thought about it throughout the day, and he did research on the best spas in Pittsburgh, and when we got home, I did the responsible mean thing and took the wind out of his sails. We didn't know the budget specifics at that moment, but seriously? Spas are not cheap and I don't need to spend money on myself like that. I would rather save it for something else. He got all hurt and sad, but we talked it through. I even made the more spendthrifty suggestion of having a Spa-day-In, where I could paint my nails and do a mud mask, etc.

And then this morning he woke me up with doom in his voice and "Budget" on the tip of his tongue.

He now says we'll be fine. Now that he's had coffee, He says it'll work out. We'll have the money to pay everything because of the dates the bills are due, and we'll stop ordering food, and the vast majority of purchases for the dog were "One time" - so we'll be fine.

It's funny how one mention of "the budget" can make my stomach an icy stone, but hundreds of "We're Fine!"s can't thaw it.