"Pack of Lies" or "Miracle worker"?

Why am I so naive? Why?

I feel like an idiot at the moment. Partially I feel nauseously idiotic because I crave others' approval, partially it's because I haven't thought about two sides to a very important issue.

Greg and I are fans of "The Dog Whisperer" with Cesar Millan. We like the show alot. The message I get from it is that no matter what the issue, no matter how "bad" the dog is, the behavior is changeable. You may need professional help, you may need to drastically change your current training/behavior... but no matter what's wrong, you can fix it.

Unless a dog is absolutely bloodthirsty or terminally ill and in a great deal of pain - I can't personally support euthanization. I understand that there are millions of animals without homes, there is an overpopulation of dogs and cats, and that a lot of animals are being put to sleep because of those facts - but I see this as a failing of the American people.

So far, I feel I've been doing my part for cats. I have three cats adopted from shelters - they are well-loved and cared for. We have also not ignored any stray cats we see. We have caught 2 stray kittens and found them loving and responsible homes. I feel good about this. It may not be all I can do, but I'm not making the situation worse. I always bang on the car hood to make sure there's no sleeping kitty near the engine, I never ignore a stray, and my cats are healthy and happy.

My husband and I have been talking for a while about adopting a dog. Our first responsibility is to our cats - we need a dog that will not chase or hurt them. That is probably our first priority. We would like a medium sized dog because I want a manageable sized dog that can still play outside with us. We would like an adult dog because although I grew up with a dog, I was not involved in her house training or puppy issues and I would be more comfortable with a full grown adult. I also anticipate getting some kind of mutt/mix and getting an adult will ensure that we know the size of the dog is permanent. I met a pure bred great dane the other day. He was beautiful... and the size of a small horse. As a first time Primary caregiver I would be most comfortable with a house trained (even crate trained!) dog who is between 25-50 pounds. We are also going to start a family in a few years, and it's important to know that the dog is gentle and good with children.

Ideally? We want to fulfill all of our dog's needs. Walks, playing, cuddling, affection, food, vet visits, toys... We want to do whatever's right for whatever particular dog we get.

Again, we are fans of Cesar Millan. We do not have cable, so we have his dvd's. Cesar is incredibly consistent in his mantras: "Exercise, Discipline, Affection", "No touch, no talk, no eye contact", "Rules, Boundaries, Limitations". To the uninitiated, these mantras seem almost harsh and certainly not affectionate. While I realize I'm viewing his tactics through my own personal experience, and I'm probably putting my own spin on things, I do genuinely agree with the vast majority of what he says in his program and what I've read in his book.

My parent's dog didn't get enough exercise while I was living with them, I don't know how much exercise she gets now. I know she's a border terrier, and she gets fed first thing in the morning and probably doesn't get walked (if at all) till lunch time. I know she's excitable, she barks alot, she's bitten a groomer, and she's nipped at several people while being super excited. She does not walk all that well on a leash. She gets a lot of affection, she has good food, a great home, and she does have some boundaries - she's not really allowed into my parent's room.

I strongly believe that if she were exercised a little more and corrected (gently) during unwanted behaviors such as barking or jumping up, she would calm down. I did not know any of what Cesar teaches while growing up, but alot of what he corrects are things I saw ( and see ) in this dog. I want the dog that Greg and I to have to not be so frenetic, not so excitable and uncontrollable in her excitement. Pippin - my parent's dog - is a border terrier so she's small, manageable, not that intimidating. If you stay standing, the most she can do is hop around your knees - but now I know this shouldn't excuse her behavior. You wouldn't let a german shepherd get away with that kind of behavior - why should you let a little dog be that way?

I see a lot of wisdom in Cesar's Mantra's. I see alot of success in what he does. I don't believe I've ever seen a scared or hurt dog in his hands. I believe in his success.

And now comes the naivete.

Until recently, I believed that this was how everybody felt about The Dog Whisperer. I mean, yea, sure it's a TV show - and who genuinely believes everything they see on TV? But how can you deny the results with the dogs? Dogs are dogs. You can't tell them "okay, now pretend you're calm, you can go back to attacking the other dogs later". But it's not true. There is alot of criticism out there and I was not aware of it. This is why I feel dumb. Of COURSE there's criticism. There's Criticism for everything. I'm learning this more and more, and I feel dumber and dumber.

Should I breast feed my baby or not? Should I let my baby sleep in bed with me or not? Should I carry my baby in a sling all day or not? And in America, our dogs are our babies too. A rescue recently referred to a dog as a "Fur Baby". I find this grating on my nerves... but, okay. I'll go with it. Because our dogs are our babies, people are going to get just as fired up - if not more so - about the way you treat them. Should my dog be indoors or outdoors alot? Should I crate train or is crate training really code for "Cage"? Should I reward my dog with food or a clicker? Should I reward my dog at all? If there's dog aggression should I just keep my dog away from other dogs, or should I try to address it?

What is Discipline? Yelling? Hitting? A Shock Collar? Asking Politely? A strong "CH" sound? Touching on the neck? Saying "No"?

I thought I had sorted it out. I thought you just disagree with bad behavior - make it clear it's unwanted with a negative sound... and be calm and consistent. I've repeated the mantra's to myself "Exercise, Discipline, Affection". "Exercise, Discipline, Affection". "Exercise, Discipline, Affection".

And now, I feel betrayed and anxious. You mean to tell me there's controversy about this? There are people saying that taking your dog for long walks (as appropriate - obviously not for a senior or a puppy or a dog with medical issues, etc.), etc, is considered inhumane by people like The American Humane Association? Now I don't know what to think.

To contribute to the mess in my mind, we filled out an exceedingly long and detailed Approval application for consideration with a local rescue. I respected all of their questions and I tried to answer completely honestly. They have one or two dogs we'd like to meet, but really we just wanted to be on their radar in case something that really matches us comes around. On the application I repeated the mantras - I stressed that we wanted to be calm, assertive pack leaders. I assured them that we would put exercise and discipline above affection.

I made these assertions because these people are serious and knowledgeable. They know what's best for the dog and I wanted to make sure we would be working hard to fulfill the dog's needs. Affection is going to be a piece of strawberry pie for us. We are affectionate people - giving affection comes naturally. We might be the type of people that, without doing research, would heap on the affection and might not understand the other needs of a dog. I wanted to make sure that they knew my husband roller skates - so he could roller skate with the dog. I wanted to make sure that they knew we'd take the dog for a walk twice a day - 30-45 minutes each time. I wanted them to know we would set rules, boundaries and limitations. I wanted them to know we wouldn't just be pushovers - we would work hard for this dog.

It turns out that those were the wrong things to say. I got an email back that withdrew our ability to meet with a specific dog, and asked us a million questions about our idea of discipline. I had also written that we would put a dog to sleep for human aggression - what I meant was if the Vet and other trained professionals told us that our Dog was possessed with Violent Blood lust and should be put to sleep - we would listen. This would be after work on our part, and with a professional and medical causes were explored. Instead, this rescue asks "Would you put the dog to sleep if it growled at someone? Would you put the dog to sleep if it nipped at someone that startled it or hurt it?" This rescue is also, apparently, not a fan of the Cesar Millan school of thinking and - especially for the dog we were inquiring about - strongly believes that affection should be placed above discipline. And they questioned why I put "insecurity" as an unwanted characteristic. Also, the question of how long we'll be away from home during the day came up.

First of all - we've been working on a way for one or both of us to go home at the lunch hour to be with the dog. If that doesn't work out, we would look into pet sitting or dog walking services.

Second of all - the rest makes me want to simultaneously crawl into a hole and scream. I'm very frustrated, a little insulted, and a little desperate. I could just accept that maybe adopting from this particular rescue is not for us - we have different schools of thought when it comes to "discipline", and I can respect that. But I really don't want them to think I'm not loving! Or that I would be unyielding in my preconceived notions of training! Or that - worst of all - I would be violent or mean or abusive. Discipline should never be yelling or punishment. The thing I'm going to struggle most with is being affectionate all the time, and not being consistent and disciplined in following the rules (no jumping up onto the couch, etc.). I wanted to assure them that I would work very hard in these areas, because these are the areas I would need to work hard in. Now they think I'm some kind of dog-whipping, heartless disciplinarian who would treat an anxious or scared dog by punishing them and scolding them for "unwanted" behavior.

It all just makes me want to cry.

I wish I could meet a stranger, and we could shake hands or something, and we would both automatically recognize each other for everything... How affectionate we are, what we care about, etc. I feel like I should either scramble to correct these misconceptions about myself or just give up and cry about it.

Boy this was a long post, sorry about that. Do you agree with Cesar? Do you have a dog? What do you think I should do? Let it go? Insist on a meeting with them so they get to know me better? Forget about a dog all together? I'm floundering.